1. I once celebrated the 4th of July by watching the fireworks on Animal Crossing.

2. When I was a child, I would point at the moon and tell my grandmother, “I want it.” Now, years later, I own an acre of moon property.

3. One of my earlobes is more attached to my head than the other one.

4. I’m vegan, but I don’t have a problem with eating Smurfs, since their cells contain chlorophyll.

5. I’ve seen a ghost dog.

6. I’ve never seen a ghost hotdog.

7. The C in Jeremy C. Shipp may or may not stand for Cookie Monster.

8. I taught myself to play the guitar and piano, but not the telekinetic banjo.

9. Talking dogs crack me up, except when they’re racist.

10. I’m a animistic anarcho-tribalist.

11. I collect monsters. They try to collect me.