q & a with Carlton Mellick III

Q: If you could bring back any TV show for another season, which one would you pick?

A:  Get a Life.

Q: What’s your ultimate kryptonite?

A: Office jobs.  No, babies.  No, Arizona.  No, working at an office job in Arizona with babies.

Q: Would you choose never to have nightmares again if it meant you had to stop dreaming altogether?

A:  No.  The nightmares tend to be the most fun anyway.

Q: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

A: No.

Q: What sea creature would you want most as an imaginary friend?

A:  A shark with boobs.

Q: Can I have half of your sandwich?

A:  Sure.  Do you like pistachio loaf?

Q: If you met a monster made out of a hundred babies, how would you teach it to dance?

A: Are you fucking kidding me?  I’m not teaching that thing how to dance.  I’d be too busy crapping my pants in fear.

Q: Sporks or a very special episode of Charles in Charge?

A: How can I choose!

Q: What do you wish your name meant?

A: Sledgehammer.

Q: What are you most afraid of?

A: That monster made out of a hundred babies I’m pretty sure.  Babies in general pretty much freak the hell out of me.  It was probably because of that time I was trapped in an abandoned mineshaft and all these babies crawled out of the shadows and started nibbling on my ankles.

Q: What’s your favorite word?

A: Sausage.

Q: Would you rather make out with your worst enemy or punch your best friend really hard?

A: Make out with my worst enemy.  My enemies are always hot.

Q: What product would you most want to be a spokesperson for?

A: The Jean Claude Van Damme DVD Library.

Q: If Jesus had been killed some other way, do you think people would still wear the symbols of those murder weapons as necklaces?

A: Only if it makes a cool symbol.  A guillotine probably wouldn’t work.  A hangman’s noose might.  An executioner’s axe would be sweet.

Q: Can you see the pictures in those magic eye books?

A: Fuck no. What the hell’s wrong with me?

Q: Do you tend to feel worse when a lovable animal dies in a movie, or a human character?

A: Animal.

Q: If all the cereal characters were fighting (like Lucky from Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, etc) who would win and why?

A: Captain Crunch.  Because he’s fucking Captain Crunch, that’s why.

Q: Would you rather travel into the past or the future?

A: Future.

Q: If you could have any accent, which one would you want?

A: Klingon.


Q & A conducted by Jeremy C. Shipp

3 thoughts on “q & a with Carlton Mellick III

  1. I don’t know about the Cap’n Crunch thing. Count Chocula is a vampire, so he’s got the advantage of being undead. Cap’n Crunch’s special power is grinding off the skin from the roof of your mouth. Doesn’t quite compare. The wild card in the fight would be the Quisp alien. He’s got a beanie propeller on his head, he’s clearing fucking nuts (look at his eyes), and he’s packing a sidearm. Quisp ain’t on nobody’s side but Quisp’s.

  2. Garrett Cook

    Awesome interview. Babies are really scary. Something that tries to bite you but doesn’t even care that it doesn’t have teeth is truly horrifying.

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