Q: If you could bring back any TV show for another season, which one would you pick?

A:  Get a Life.

Q: What’s your ultimate kryptonite?

A: Office jobs.  No, babies.  No, Arizona.  No, working at an office job in Arizona with babies.

Q: Would you choose never to have nightmares again if it meant you had to stop dreaming altogether?

A:  No.  The nightmares tend to be the most fun anyway.

Q: Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?

A: No.

Q: What sea creature would you want most as an imaginary friend?

A:  A shark with boobs.

Q: Can I have half of your sandwich?

A:  Sure.  Do you like pistachio loaf?

Q: If you met a monster made out of a hundred babies, how would you teach it to dance?

A: Are you fucking kidding me?  I’m not teaching that thing how to dance.  I’d be too busy crapping my pants in fear.

Q: Sporks or a very special episode of Charles in Charge?

A: How can I choose!

Q: What do you wish your name meant?

A: Sledgehammer.

Q: What are you most afraid of?

A: That monster made out of a hundred babies I’m pretty sure.  Babies in general pretty much freak the hell out of me.  It was probably because of that time I was trapped in an abandoned mineshaft and all these babies crawled out of the shadows and started nibbling on my ankles.

Q: What’s your favorite word?

A: Sausage.

Q: Would you rather make out with your worst enemy or punch your best friend really hard?

A: Make out with my worst enemy.  My enemies are always hot.

Q: What product would you most want to be a spokesperson for?

A: The Jean Claude Van Damme DVD Library.

Q: If Jesus had been killed some other way, do you think people would still wear the symbols of those murder weapons as necklaces?

A: Only if it makes a cool symbol.  A guillotine probably wouldn’t work.  A hangman’s noose might.  An executioner’s axe would be sweet.

Q: Can you see the pictures in those magic eye books?

A: Fuck no. What the hell’s wrong with me?

Q: Do you tend to feel worse when a lovable animal dies in a movie, or a human character?

A: Animal.

Q: If all the cereal characters were fighting (like Lucky from Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, etc) who would win and why?

A: Captain Crunch.  Because he’s fucking Captain Crunch, that’s why.

Q: Would you rather travel into the past or the future?

A: Future.

Q: If you could have any accent, which one would you want?

A: Klingon.


Q & A conducted by Jeremy C. Shipp