An Ordinary Day

Today was an ordinary day.

In the morning, I was hopped up on Gummiberry Juice, so I spent a few hours dressed up as Pizza Bear, terrifying the innocent.

Later on, my cat took me for a walk.

After that, me and my cat spent a few hours sitting in pots, staring at each other.

In the afternoon, I started feeling sick, so I took some Airborne. The Airborne expired in 2008, so I was only able to fly two feet off the ground.

Eventually, I started feeling better, so my wife and I went dancing.

Now I’m exhausted, but I’m too scared to sleep. I’m frightened because…well…sometimes my feelings are best expressed in shirt form.

One thought on “An Ordinary Day

  1. So it’s true about the rise of the ‘pizza bear’ cult in the USA. I heard that the ancient Sicilian society of ‘pizza bears’ had been started up again in the USA. There were rumours of men wearing the dreaded ‘black olive and anchovy’ costume and terrorising fast food outlets that served ribs and burgers. Many a man has been handed a slice of cooked pepperoni, the round spicy sausage placed in the palm of the hand like the ‘black spot’ of pirates and being the mark of death. Stories reached me of gang fights between US pizza bears die hard members of the Mexican ‘taco lizards’. I could hardly believe the news reports of murderous exchanges between Chinese ‘noodle panda’ gangs and the Russian ‘Borscht Bears’. Here in England in response to an invasion of costumed fast food animal gangs the dreaded ‘Fish & Chip Bulldogs’ have once again emerged. Will it never end? Oh the horror! The horror! I beg you turn away from the ‘pizza bear’ gang, before you are sliced up and consumed, leaving one tell tale slice of you, cold and gnarled in the morning, as a warning, or worse eaten for breakfast by an overweight, unshaven slob in boxer shorts! The horror and the shame and some more horror and a bit more shame and probably fear, yes fear; that’s it fear, horror and shame, but not neccessaarily in that order.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s