14 Resolutions for 2014

1. Trap a penguin in a painting by Theodore Joseph Louis Geirnaert.
2. Learn everything about wind.
3. Bring Waffle Man to life using Tesla coils and various gadgets.
4. Count to 324.
5. Don’t let the statues in the square ignore you anymore.
6. Bathe, at all times.
7. Wear more fishhooks and oversized buttons.
8. Join anti-tennis mailing list.
9. Butter shoes.
10. Write a pretentious piece about oven mitts and talking tumors.
11. Dress like a tweed nightmare.
12. Befriend a gnarled puppet and start a Vaudeville act.
13. Guilt trip a cabbage.
14. Eat the Waffle Man and give him a burial at sea.