scientistperson

1. The human skeleton can gain consciousness and vibrate until all the flesh melts away. Milk only increases this possibility.

2. There’s a tiny version of you living inside a random coconut, singing about your fears until its inevitable death.

3. A penguin wearing a tuxedo is invisible to the naked eye.

4. The human-faced beetles living in your walls can eat up to 100 pounds of human organs a day.

5. If you read the word octopus three times in a row, you will transmogrify into an octopus octopus octopus.

6. Your cat is the center of the universe.

7. Night lights actually attract monsters. Sorry, kids.

8. Plants are, in fact, just extremely lazy animals.

9. The cockroaches that meld with your face while you sleep are called shadow bugs. You will have to live with them.

10. In some countries, science is considered more reliable than unscience.