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If you see a doll swallowing human organs, do not bother her. She’s in the metamorphosis stage of becoming alive and needs to concentrate.
-JCS
In real life, when mannequins come alive, they don’t want to hug and kiss you. They’re looking for the nearest Burger King mask and cleaver.
-JCS
If you feel yourself transmogrifying into a kitten, don’t fight it. This is your destiny.
-JCS
If you visit your local fast food restaurant and wink 100 times, they will deep-fry your lower half and feed that to your upper half.
-JCS
If you fear the blank page, draw a couple hedgehogs in top hats on there and then get writing.
-JCS
Playing the Lord of the Rings soundtrack makes dusting your home so much more epic.
-JCS
If you can’t beat them, join them. And if you can’t join them, maybe treat yourself to a bowl of chili cheese fries and take a nap.
-JCS
If you want to curse at someone but you don’t want to sound mean, just add “jelly bean” to the end of your sentence. Go to hell, jelly bean!
-JCS
When binding your soul to a demon, make sure to pick a cute one. You’ll be glad you did.
-JCS
If you don’t want to go to a party, send a mannequin filled with jumping beans in your place.
-JCS
